Guardians...

    It is guaranteed - we are going to have problems within every relationship because relationships bring very different people at very different degrees of discipleship and maturity, into very close proximity. No matter how much one loves someone or how much that someone loves the other, we are sinners battling a fallen nature and prone to negative defaults at anytime.
    What complicates this arrangement is most of us are experts at the wrong thing - what others do wrong. Let me point out that the first human interaction recorded in the Scripture – Cain and Abel, Genesis 4:3-8 – established some basic tenets. First, the issue is the deed not the person. Second, there will always be a tendency to look for a scapegoat. Lastly, everyone is responsible for themselves whether we like it or not.
    In developing ministry based relationships we need to understand what the pervasive disposition should include. The best relationships are those in which both partners are more committed to doing something with them rather than with their partner. This commitment focuses on developing the five following characteristics; godliness, gentleness, humility, introspection, and willingness to be accountable for one’s personal behavior (Galatians 6:1-5).
    I would like to offer some guardian questions that will help us see whether our behavior is consistent with these characteristics…
    First we need to question our motives. Charles Cooley, an American Sociologist said; “The human mind is indeed a cave swarming with strange forms of life, most of them unconscious and unilluminated. Unless we can understand how the motives that issue from this obscurity are generated, we can hardly hope to foresee or control them.” We should never forget, “Happy are those… in whose spirit there is no deceit (Psalms 32:1-2, NRSV).
     We should also ask ourselves what difference are we about to make. Every action makes a difference of some kind so and if it is not going to make a positive difference why do it. As Christians our responses to things should be medicinal not poisonous. The life lived along the banks of the Spirit “grow all kinds of trees for food… and their leaves for are for healing” (Ezekiel 47:12, NRSV).
     We should also ask whether we are letting the other person be themselves or expecting them to be someone or something they are not. There are two very important qualifications to be made about respect though. Loving someone is not synonymous with respecting that person and we must love, accept, and appreciate who the person really is not who we think they are or try to make them be. Our love for people must be guided by heavenly wisdom that is “first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without a trace of partiality or hypocrisy”( James 3:17, NRSV).
     We should also question we are really saying? We need to recognize when we are manipulating instead of negotiating. I need to recognize if my speech involves bullying, intimidation, or oppressive words. Secondly, we need to recognize when we are using you did instead of I feel. Blame never works. Pointing out other people shortcomings simply puts them on the defensive and makes them antagonistic. We must “speak the truth to one another, render in our gates judgments that are true and make for peace, do not devise evil in your hearts against one another, and love no false oath; for all these are things that I hate, says the Lord” (Zechariah 8:16-17, NRSV).
     Lastly, I should question whether or not I am putting them or me in an untenable position? I need to recognize when I am painting someone into a position where they have no alternatives. Nabal was a rich fool. His ignorance and vanity put his wife into a position where she had to beg mercy and intercede with death on his behalf (1 Samuel 25:1-32). Paul’s position about John Mark broke up a very successful missionary team (Acts 15:37-39). We must leave people with alternatives.
     I need love and acceptance. Likewise, I need to love and accept. We are designed to be social. We cannot thrive without community. To maximize these all important relationships in my life, I need guardians…